Favorite Movie

For a long time, Repo Man has been my favorite movie. I never really thought about why. I watched it, it struck a chord somehow, and I nominated it for my favorite movie. It unseated Wild at Heart and that was that. But you know why I found Repo Man so relatable and why I accepted it so easily? Because at some point, I guess stopped asking questions. Just like Emilio Estevez’s character. Every insane twist that the film takes, he simply accepts. Upon walking in on his best friend sleeping with his girl, he simply collects his pants and leaves. When he finds himself stealing a car for $20, beyond an initial adrenaline rush, he simply takes it in stride. Not only do aliens exist, but there’s one in the trunk of 1964 Chevy Malibu. Not a problem for Otto. He lives a life completely devoid of expectation and thereby devoid of surprise, regret, or judgement of any kind. He is a post-modern hero who risks nothing. Even his own life is valueless as the next day holds no promise of things to come.

And I went from Wild at Heart, a film about a dangerous, passionate, and misunderstood love, to a film that feels nothing. Not even for itself. To top it off, I chose that film without even giving it a moment’s thought. I blindly accepted a film that that blindly accepts everything. What does that say about me?

I think for some time now, I’ve tried to live a life without expectation. And I think at times, it’s worked out really well for me. Anything good that happens is a stroke of luck or proof of some divine intervention while all the bad can be chalked up to misfortune or some abstract sense of karma that I must have offended. I deserve whatever I get and there’s no sense in questioning or dwelling upon it. Life continues. My heart keeps beating simply because it hasn’t stopped.

It went on too long and I became just an observer in my own life. Too disinterested to really even risk hoping for more. I think now I am in a better frame of mind. Better, at least, in the sense that it is more suited for the path ahead of me. I accept responsibility my own fate.

None of this is to say that Repo Man is not a fantastic film. In fact, I highly recommend it. But if your life, or rather your attitude towards life, bears any resemblance to Otto’s it may be wise to reassess.

My new favorite movie is My Own Private Idaho. I’ll let you know how that works out for me when I can look back on it from the perspective of a new fave.